Saturday, July 31, 2010

Hello! Hello, Baby!

How many times have you heard of a friend breaking up with his or her partner because they have discovered something suspicious on their partner's communication devices? "I saw a picture of an ex on his cell phone!" "That girl flirts in the messages!" I actually wonder how many relationships have been ruined under such circumstances, not necessarily breaking up; it can be a big fight which then is mentioned a million times whenever anything lights up any sort of fury.

Maybe I should ask in a more personal way: have you ever discovered anything that makes you jealous from the cell phone of your partner? I guess photos always have a bigger impact than messages, at least for me. There were times that I have discovered photos of ex-girlfriends from phones of my lovers. They just gives a sense of jealousy that I have never expected. Photos prove a moment of presence of the phone owner and the person in the picture. Imagination usually then leads you to how they spent their time together, how much they loved each other at that time and it can lead you really far if rationality doesn't come in and interrupt. The worst part is that as soon as rationality comes in, you would start thinking that you can handle your own emotion, and start to dig in further until jealousy become the dominate emotion again. I sometimes blame the inborn curiosity of human beings that causes this to happen.

A past relationship of mine was substantially ruined by me discovering pictures of a girl lying in my ex-boyfriend's bed in bandages as a rehearsal of a first-aid exam. If pictures were not taken, I guess I would have never known that such a moment has happened ever. I don't know whether anything further has happened on that particular bed and I don't care about that anymore since the relationship has ended anyways. But I wonder any kind of misunderstanding can happen when traces of a past relationship or anything that possibly crosses a certain bottom line is being recorded on a phone. Maybe people should start picking up the habit of cleaning your phone by finding a more out-of-sight place to store traces of past relationship. As someone's partner, I guess it is important that you have to accept the past of your partner as such past makes him the person you love right now. He has past relationships and you knew it at the very start. The fact of that matter is that he probably loved those girls as much as he loves you now. This might sound too passive, but the only thing you can do is to try and understand that he might not be as careful as you are in keeping things out of your sight as well as out of your mind.

At the end, if you love this person, and you can strongly feel that he loves you back, what is the point of bring up an argument that has nothing to do with the current relationship that you guys are sharing?

Friday, July 30, 2010

A Kiss Is Still A Kiss ...

Last night, my boyfriend (BF) and I somehow got onto the topic about our first kiss and we exchanged our stories.

For him, it is pretty simple. At first, he could only recall the person, but not the scene. After 5 minutes of pondering, he remembered that he was in a metro station and was kissed by his date of that night. Not a lot of details were provided, but I think the part that he had difficulty in remembering is pretty impressive.

Mine happened when I was 14. I was dating a guy who I met through instant messenger (it was ICQ at that time). We were sitting somewhere in the Performance ARt Academy waiting for my rehearsal. He was sitting on my right hand side, basically just chilling out, while I was drinking water with the bottle in my right hand. Somehow, he grabbed my right hand, removd the bottle from my lips and replaced that with his. It all happened so quickly that I still had water in my mouth!

This incident seems to leave a deep mark in my memory without legitimate reasons. First of all, that kiss was pretty nice, but then it is nothing like the perfect French kiss. Secondly, my relationship with that guy has already ended for a numer of years and it was not a desirable endin, so it is not like an emotional attachment problem. The only reason that I can think of is the fact that it is "the first", but then why "the first" somehow carries an important meaning. Isn't it supposed to be "the best" that is more important? But then if you ask me when was "the best" kiss, I don't have a clue.

Maybe it is because the first kiss symbolizes an important step of being in love and getting closer to a love? BF once raised an interesting question of why people obtain pleasure from kissing. My first thought is the psycholigical theory about human being's desire for food, and kissing at the end is a siilar kind of desire, but then I wonder whether that argument is sound. It is true that the way we judge lips and food has a lot of siilarities, since both requires the satisfaction from the look (which triggers the invention of lip balm and lip gloss), the smell (you definitely won't want a perso wit a stinky breath) and the taste of it (which I would refer to the texture of the lips). However, kissing requires interaction while eating doesnot. The foos is just laid down on the plate waiting to be eaten.

Well... probably I should think no more and just enjoy the kisses or the food!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

The Desperate "House-Girlfriend"?

Two and a half weeks of being a "house-girlfriend" (HGF). OR I can say it has been two and a half weeks since my boyfriend (BF) has started his work life and leaving me home alone most of the weekdays. (Thank God for creating weekends!)

I think the fact that I survive the test of being an HGF and didn't turn desperate would actually allow me to add this as a new item on my CV and it would add value to the CV. BF asked me whether the job I would be applying for is the mistress of an executive, this I am not sure, but what I mean is that being a successful HGF should be regarded as an achievement. More importantly, even if there is such a position, I wonder whether my application letter ca be put into the mailbox or whether my email can get through the overloaded email box.

From a full-time student approaching her full-time work life to being an HGF is definitely a challenge. This involves from having a full schedule to having an almost empty schedule or a schedule evolving around BF's; from level 0 in cooking skills to making lunch box frequently and not poisoning BFl from never doing any sort of housework to adding an one-hour apartment tidying time to my daily routine; from trapping insects in a plastic cup to slamming blinds towards a window and murdering a fly, from seeing friends every day tostaying in touch with friends on Facebook only. Life has been changed 180 degrees. However, what hasn't been changed seems to be the unconscious passion towards BF, is that the reason I survive? Oh well... who cares, as long as I am still mentally healthy for now.

A life as an HGF hasn't made me desperate for one second since I started this career. I wonder whether the difference between a professional housewife and an amateur HGF is the reason for such feeling. What is the major difference? One does not have a time limit while the other does. I would confess that there are moments of loneliness as a HGF, which I would want to just take out my cell, pick a friend from the contact, and just sent a text out about another night out. However, I enjoy the time when BF comes home from work and the rest of the evening is always the most romantic evening of the day. What a dilemma! But then life is all about choices. right? Since there is a time limit being an HGF, I guess I am pretty happy to docus on my BF for now.