Tuesday, October 19, 2010

To Infinity and Beyond

Is there a relationship that can go infinity and beyond? What does "I can see a future in you" mean? How far in time does "future" mean in that context? Does that imply "to infinity and beyond"?

Recently, my boyfriend (BF) and I are planning my trip to fly over to see him and the question "how far in the future I can see myself being with this guy?" pops up in my head with a very high frequency. I am the kind of girl who always wants to marry the guy I am dating when I enter into a relationship. If I don't think that way, I know I don't love that guy that much and I won't even want to enter in a relationship. It is like an investment of love that I would for someone I can see a future (long term prospect) in. However, I am starting to question myself on why I ask such a question.

I wonder why I need to know how long I can see myself being with a guy if I am seriously in love with him right now and how I come up with the conclusion that I think I can at least stay with him for a year or so.

One of the reasons that I ask these questions so frequently is possibly because we are a long distance couple. By being a long distance couple, BF and I always take very concrete steps to carry our relationship forward. These steps include making travelling plans together, having Skype dates and finding ways to give each other surprises. It is very certain that if we stop doing those things, our relationship can hardly work and we will never see each other again. The effort of ours is so apparent that it makes me think of where all these efforts will go at the very end. Am I calculating? I would defend myself and say no. The reason is that I don't care how much efforts I have put in if I know we will end up bein together. I don't care who puts in more effort and I don't even know who puts in more effort.

However, a question comes up recently as to how much in the future I have to be able to see in order to feel secure and comfortable. I can't think of an answer for his question and I also don't know when I will no longer need that kind of security. Is it when I am married? Or is it when we have spent 10 years together? I cannot tell.

My conclusion is that the "seeing a future" or not is just one of those abstract ways to see if I love the guy enough. Since I can never see the future, it's then all about gut feeling. It's all about a judgement of how much I think the two of us are for each other, how much security I feel from the relationship and how much more effort I am willing to put into the relationship regardless of the uncertainties.

No comments:

Post a Comment