Before The Show Goes On

I wish we can all have a pause in life whenever we want.

Too much in life recently that it feels like I have been in an act which the music has been loud for the past 15 minutes with a war scene on stage, and now all you want to do is to have an intermission, let your mind quiet down before you step into the theatre and be ready to play your part again.

Life is full of decisions to be made and consequences of decisions made. Every time there is an “intermission”, you pause, make your decision and make the coming act another fabulous one. Life stories are interesting, but how do you make sure the act will lead you to the ending you want, while you don’t even know what the others’ parts might possibly be? The well-known approaches are:

(1) Follow your heart

It is easy to talk about following your heart, but how? Most of the times, you don’t even know what your heart is saying to you. I wish Apple can come up with an app which can translate all those “heart language” into something I understand. A lot of the times, my heart also has no comment on things. This usually happens when my heart hasn’t experienced what is being suggested and has no clue what that means. Most of the times, I follow my heart when I have been trying to use logic to convince myself, didn’t get any conclusion and decided to make my decision last minute.

(2) Logical Basis

I tend to use this method quite frequently. However, life is not a simple equation. I would say it is actually a multi-factor model. You always end up knowing that you still have some factors to take into account, but you are already confused with the existing ones. So many times I struggled between what looks good now and what might look good in the future, then I start to think about the probability and the degree of control I have to make sure the enjoyment I might have in the future. After that, I have to consider whether the good things that might happen in the future deserve the toughness I would have to go through now … and it goes on and on.

(3) Let life deicide

This is what we also called “go with the flow”. I won’t call myself a “control freak”, but from the way this post is structured, you probably know how much I feel more comfortable with predictable and orderly things. It requires courage to let go of your control and just see what would happen to you. Sometimes, life won’t put you in any direction either, it just let the opportunity slip away, which leaves you with no choices anymore.

Anyways, I guess the show must go on. Good show, everyone!

Fiancée and Fiancé

Two words which sound so beautiful and symbolize something so beautiful in life.

Yes, everyone, I am engaged!!

Looking at the ring on my finger, I start to have a different feeling towards life. My life no longer consists of just me. Each of my life changing decision is now involving my husband-to-be. We are still geographically far from each other, but we are sure that we want to work towards the same goal. We want to be together for the rest of our lives.

What does engagement mean to ladies in our modern society? Here's the a little bit of the result from my mini and probably biased survey through the past chit-chatting with ladies around me:

A Princess Finally Finds Her Man:
This might sound a little too fairy tale, but it is actually not a bad way to see engagement. An engagement is a promise that you will marry the person who you want to give all your love to. It is a dedication or a commitment to a life-long project. The mind of a "princess" is usually about "living happily ever after" and there's nothing wrong with that as well. Getting engaged and then married is all about building a happy life together. The only thing that is important is the awareness of the ups and downs in life that a couple would have to face.

Engagement is a perfect Escape from Embarrassment:
This usually comes from ladies who have passed 35 years old and starting to get the pressure from peers to get married. They see marriage or engagement as a way to tell everything that they still have "market value" and their "market value" is so high that they are out of the market now. It is one of the passimistic views towards engagement. Sometimes, they might not even be sure whether they are with the right man and all they want is to be away from the league of single women.

The End of Career and the Beginning of Babies:
I have no objection to babies, but I do have objection towards "the end of career". Ladies in this category usually consider finding a man who has enough financial resources as their major target. I can understand that after a day of work, dreaming about a man who is willing to provide you with everything in life is a pretty pleasant thought. However, I think it might be a different matter when it comes to reality. A man might love you so deeply at the beginning even when you are living just like a beautiful vase and without any focuses in life other than your family, but what about 20 or 30 years later? You might not be as attractoive as you are right now, and being away from the society for so long, you might not be as interesting as before any more. Then are you sure your charisma will still maintain at the same level?

Engagement can be the most fascinating thing in life when you have the right mentality, while it can also be a trap for people who have the wrong expectation of it. Do you fit in any kind of mentality above?

1.5 Year Anniversary - Thanks for Making Me Feel Special

A couple days ago was the 1.5 year anniversary between me and my boyfriend (BF). I was looking forward to this day, because it means so much to us. I understand that a lot of people thought that it is very silly of us celebrating even half a year, but I guess the reason for that is because we only have very little time together, so we try to give each other surprises and make each other feel special.

That morning was a glorious morning for me. BF and I had a very nice chat about our past and he gave me a BIG SURPRISE! He made a scrap book for our relationship! I did make the guess that he might do that for us, but with his very busy schedule, I abandoned the thought. When I saw that scrap book, I was so touched that it nearly made me cry.

The scrap book is full of our memories and BF's love. One part of it is about how we met. When we first became friends, we got to know each other more and more because BF offered to drive me to the grocery store every week. This provided us with the opportunity to talk and understand each other. So we can actually say that we were bonded by food. BF said that when he starts to know me better and understands my love towards food. He realizes that taking me to grocery shopping is actually one of the best ways to establish our relationship. It is always very touching when he mentions about the love food e have together and that he can no longer imagine having those without me. This makes me feel that our life has started to merge together and will eventually become one.

When my heart was filled with happiness after the cat and I was smiling the whole morning when I was at work, I got another surprise! I BECAME THE GIRL WHO GOT FLOWERS IN THE OFFICE!

While I was working on a project and was being really focused on it, the phone rang and it was from the reception of the company. I answered the phone and the receptionist told me that there is a very beautiful bouquet waiting for me in the reception and I should go over to get it. I couldn't help but hurriedly walk to the reception and saw a bouquet full of lovely roses! I can't describe how happy I was and how special I feel.

The flowers sat on my desk the whole day and it keeps reminding me how much BF loves me and how important I am to him. I would like to tell him how much I care about him the same way, I would like to let him know how many changes he has made to my life by being in love with me and how lucky I feel to be able to have the identity as his girlfriend.

I love BF and I am looking forward to the years ahead that I am going to spend with him!

Office Politics

Since I was an intern, I was being warned of the existence of office politics. One of my mentors gave me the advice that no matter how open the the culture of a company is, there is likely to be bureaucracy and I will have to learn to live with it, or even better, to make good use of it. Last Friday, I walked into the office of the CEO and was trying to return some of the really useful management books; while once again, we touched on the topic of office politics.

He told me that he was once being told that to be outstanding in a company; you have to be the greatest politician. He despised that. But then as time goes on, he discovered that this is very true and to say this in a business way, it would have a new name -- "governance". What does that exactly mean? I would sum that up as the balancing of power with logic as well as human factors. You have to think of balancing each person's power in the most logical and efficient way with people's feeling in mind, as well as whether you will get the support you need.

Honestly, I cannot agree more with this theory and I did not understand the essence of this concept until recently when I stated working as a full-time employee. As a fresh graduate and a new employee of the company, I was assigned to be trained by a colleague at the very early stage, and the to a senior manager to give me guidance at work. Who is my direct boss? Who should I please and focus on more? Whose decision should I follow and whose comment should I pay my attention on? Tons of these questions come into my mind whenever there are contradictions between the expectation of different parties and I have to balance the two. I guess I haven't been doing so well as an "office politician" and there are definitely a lot more to learn.

My friends who are still at school asked me whether I like school more or work more. I once thought that the following answer is lame, but after experiencing it, it is really how I feel. I think the two things are very different in nature and I simple can't compare them. I enjoy work, because it is exciting with unlimited challenges and whenever I am off work, I have my own leisure time to focus on other things and I won't have assignments to take home. On the other hand, I love school, because it is a comparatively fair system. If you study hard enough, you go to the examination hall, and you are very likely to get the grade you deserve. You don't have to worry about how everybody thinks about you and you won't be assessed y people every single minute.

Not more than once that after a couple failures of getting the agreement I want or receiving some criticisms from a third party saying it's from my direct boss, that I discovered how office politics come into place and I successfully use similar tactics to cope with it. It is unavoidable that a big office has rumors and unnecessart comments going around affecting people's self-perception. No matter how good a company is, there are people who like using power and authorty to manipulate people instead of creating synergy. Figuring out how to live wisely in the middle of all these is not an easy task and it definitely takes time, but then everyone who works in an office should learn these techniques and my thought is that everyone would eventually find their own way to live with all these, so there is no general principles that can be provided.

Ladies and gentlemen, office politics can help or ruin you. Be aware and hope you can become one of the star politician in the office one day! Good luck!

Does Marriage Have a Price Tag?

During the morning chat today, my boyfriend (BF) and I discussed a topic which we have been discussing a couple times before -- does marriage have a price tag?

The two of us have been thinking of each other as a potential life long partner, so we have been exchanging our views on how we want our wedding to be in the future and how we want to allocate our financial resources on that.

I have friends who have alread started saving with their lover for the start of their marriage. I have no objection towards such plan. In fact if they are 100% sure they will spend the rest of their lives together, I think it is good for them to plan a bit earlier and see if the dynamic of the relationship changes once the concept of money gets in.

On the other hand, BF raised a fair point as to whether we should put a price tag on a wedding and work hard toward it, or we should put a price tag on our wedding based on what we can afford?

In the Asian culture, there is an invisible norm that most women would only marry a man when he is able to provide a place for them to live together once they are husband and wife. It is like a condition of marriage in that particular community. However, the economic structure of the society has changed and getting a property at the age range when people normally get married seems quite impracticale. How would this affect people's plan on marriage then?

For me, when it comes to marriage, I don't need it to be perfect or just like "The Wedding of the Century". However, I do want it to be a nice one. Therefore, I think I am starting to come to a point that I would want my wedding to have a price tag around a few years beforehand with regard to how much financial resources my fiancee and I have at that moment, then we can start saving more till the time when the wedding comes, so that we can still pay the bills if there is any discrepancies with what we expect and the reality.

Oh well ... it sounds way too early to think of such thing ... or is it?

How Much do Promises Weigh?

As a couple, my boyfriend (BF) and I give promises to each other from time to time. Though I have been very satisfied with our relationship, I wonder how much our promises weigh, or to be more specific, how much all promises in life weigh.

If we think carefully, we make promises way before we understand the weight of our promises. When we were little kids, we promised our parents that we would be a very good kid after an hour of scolding by them; we promised our teachers we would study hard after having a detention; we will promise our good friends that they will be our best friend FOREVER no matter what; and we promise our lovers that we will love them till the world ends. If you think back carefully, how many of these promises are you still keeping? If you think of similar promises that people made for you, how many of them are still kept by them?

As life goes on, I am starting to have less expectation on other people's promises as well as trying to avoid giving promises when I know that with the uncertainties involved, I may not be able to keep them. I guess it is like a preventive measure, that I am trying to mitigate the effect of people breaking their promises by adjusting my expectation and to minimize my chance of breaking a promise.

I have learned to understand that for most people, promises are more like an expression of their emotion at a particular moment. What I have learned to appreciate is a promise being made genuinely. A genuine "I will love you forever" means that the person loves you a lot right now and it is so much love that they think it can last forever. Such affection touches me and I am glad that a guy once wanted to commit into our relationship. However, I also learned to realize that when hurdles of life come by and temptations try to get its way into a relationship, there's no point to look back and blame the person who made such a promise.

Don't get me wrong, I am not losing hope on love and promises. I just started to understand life, people as well as myself better. I still hope that one day, I will find the man who lives up the vow of a marriage with me and be my partner for the rest of our lives. However, before that actually happens, I will never know who that man is. And when that actually happens, it is not because of the promise this man made in the wedding ceremony that he decided to stay with me, it is more because of the love we have for each other.

Do promises really matter?

What Do I want to Do Today?

This morning, I sat down at my desk, organized the documents next to my desktop, checked my schedule for the day and made a cup of English Toffee to clear my mind, then a question came to my mind: what do I want to do today?

It is not that I don't have work on my desk. Instead, I have a couple projects that I have to deal with in due course. There are a lot of things on my plate which I would have to handle without too much delay. Howeer, I would like to think about what I actually want to do today if I don't have all these obligations. Do I genuinely want to work on these documents on my desk? What are the differenes between what I want to and what I am supposed to do?

Therefore, I wrote a "Want-To-Do List":

(1) Spa / Massage: my shoulders and legs have been hurting for quite a while

(2) Skype: I always wish I can spend more time talking to my boyfriend (BF)

(3) Sleep: I woke up at around 5 am this morning without any reasons

(4) Read: I have been reading a book called "Outrage" and really want to finish it

(5) Meeting with Mr. Boss: I want to convince him in letting me go on a business trip

(6) Shopping: there is a present that I have been wanting to get for BF

(7) Exercising: I ate chocolate truffle cake for breakfast, pasta for lunch and sushi for dinner last night

(8) Be a pillow: Just lay in bed and pretend that I actually belong to the bed

Here's my "Supposed-To-Do List":

(1) Finish project #1

(2) Finish project #2

(3) Finish project #3

(4) Finish project #4

(5) Ok ... this list will never end if I keep doing this, so let this item be "finish other projects in hand"

(6) Bring part of my salary home for my mom as omestic expenditure

(7) Contact my insurance agent

(8) Iron my clothes for tomorrow

All these make me think of this song:

"When you wish upon a star

Makes no difference who you are

Anything your heart desires

Will come to you

If your heart is in your dreams

No request is to extreme

When you wish upon a star

As dreamers do"

Disney lies ... as usual ... I have been dreaming to work on my "Want-To-Do List", but now I have to start crossing out items of the "Supposed-To-Do List" instead!

Toffee Nut Latte

Every year, when Halloween has passed, I would start looking forward to Christmas. This year is even more so because I will be having my Christmas with my boyfriend (BF) and this is going to be our very first Christmas together! Other than that, there is also an all-time reason for loving Christmas - Toffee Nut Latte from Starbucks!

This cup of magical beverage has been my favourite Starbucks drink since I entered University. It is a seasonal drink of Starbucks and it only appears after Halloween and before New Year, which is the time when Starbucks uses its Christmas design cups.

Strictly speaking, Toffee Nut Latte is not a coffee drink. It has caffeine in there, but the whole point of this drink is the very rich cream that can allow you to skip lunch if you have it in the morning, the sweetness in taste and fragrant of toffee that gives you some indescribable satisfaction, the graphics on the cup that reminds you of the arrival of Christmas and numerous celebration with your loved ones and the warmth from "extra hot" request that makes you feel so lucky when you walk around the chilly open air holding the cup in your hands.

When I first had that drink, I fell in love with it, and I wondered how great it would be if I can walk on the street with my lover's arms aroud my shoulder and we would talk, laugh and share a large up of Toffee Nut Latte on a perfect Christmas Day. However, since BF doesn't really drink coffee unless it becomes the last resort, I think I will still have a perfect Christmas with him - just about Toffee Nut Latte. I guess I will drink enough before I fly there that I won't even want this cup of perfection anymore.

It is also a part of my university memory. I remember that during winter term, I would also grab a cup of Toffee Nut Latte before class and it gives me the energy to survive through lectures even in the cold winter mornings.

After all the waiting since October, I finally had my first cup of Toffee Nut Latte this year and it is so satisfying!! Let's welcome our lovely Christmas!!

A Guy who is Willing to Hold Your Hair when you Throw Up

Yesterday is a tough day for my digestive system. I was having a stomachache since I wokr up and had been having diarrhea since then. I underestimated the situation and thought that I will get better as time goes by. However, that wasn't true. After half day of work, I felt so bad that I couldn't even sit properly at my desk, so I went home and took a half day sick leave.


As soon as I got home, I had some lunch and a couple pills, then went straight to bed after leaving a message to my boyfriend (BF) telling him how bad I was feeling and that I might not be able to go on skype th next morning.


When I woke up 4 hours later, BF's message appeared in my inbox full of love and care. Here's part of the message: There is nothing much I can do that is romantic. If you have been throwing up, I can at least hold your hair, but now you are having diarrhea, maybe I can get you some fancy toilet paper?

That makes me wonder how much it means when a man is willing to be there for you when you are sick and willing to hold your hair when you throw up. I believe that it happens when a man feels that he has the responsibility to take good care of you. It is a sign of commitment.

Most of the times, when you are sick, you want to stay home alone or be taken care of by someone who is very close to you. I used to have a very problematic digestive system when I was little and my mom used to be there sitting at my bedside the whole night just to make sure I am alright. She would remind me to take the medicine, hole my hair when I throw up and cook nutritious meals for me. When you are sick, you would feel like you are in your worst condition ever and you would only want someone who will love you no matter how you look to be there for you.

When you are willing to let your man to be there for you and your man is willing to be there for you, that mean your relationship has passed another stage, because you two no long are no longer just attracted to each other's appearance. There is something more than pure physical attraction, but there is trust and care as well. When a man is willing to hold your hair when you are throwing up, that means he no longer cares about the mess you are making and how bad it smells, he only cares about how you feel and he wants to make you feel better. This is not the way to define love, but this is one of the ways a guy would show his love. I still remember there was this once when I was drunk and BF took care of me, holding my hair when I threw up and staying up until he was certain that I fell asleep.

I hope that one day, all of you will be able to find a partnre who will still think you look amazing even when you are wearing your worn out clothes, throwing up, being sick or getting old.

The Girl who Gets Flowers in the Office

It is always a scene whenever the messenger delivers flowers to a girl's desk in our office. Today something similer happened and though I was not the lucky recipient of those lovely flowers this time, it reminds me of ther very last time I received a delivery of flowers from my boyfriend (BF).



It was our half-year anniversary and through a lot of challenges due to our separation geographically, BF finally overcame time differences and language barriers, and ordered a very nice bouquet that was delivered to my place in the afternoon.



When the delivery man pressed the doorbell, I opened the door and a lovely package was put into my hand. It was a little teddy bear pushing a cart of pink roses. I was so excited that I can't even recall my reaction except that I kept saying the package looks astonishing. I kept saying that until my mom got really fed up and told me to stop.



I always wonder why most girls, including me, have such strong feelings towards receiving flowers from men. When I was visiting BF a couple months ago, I used to receive a rose from him whenever the previous one wilted. Therefore, there's always a rose in our apartment that is dedicated to me. It is so sweet to receive flowers from BF and I always love looking at them at my free time. It is a reminder of love and romance that I obtained from this relationship.



I guess one of the reasons I can think of for girls' obsession towards flowers is that flowers have been a cultural symbol of love and affection since the very old days. There are scenes in movies of how men try to please women by bring flowers and people have come up with different meanings for different number of roses, as well as for different colours. Such a concept can possibly be implanted into ladies' mind from everything around. That's why whenever we receive a bouquet of flowers, we feel loved and special in the eyes of the sender.



On the other hand, there can also be a traceable reason as to women's love for beauty in general. Ladies are born with the inclination to care about their appearance in order to attact men, and because of this, they are also trained through experience to appreciate the beauty of the world around them. We want to be pretty as well as being in a spectacular environment. That's why some people say that females have better eyes for furniture and in decorating a place. That's also why most ladies tend to always have their eyes on beautiful decorative items such as jewels, purses and shoes. Flowers are somehow on a similar track that they are the beauty of nature and women simply want to own them.



Here I wish the girl who received flowers today have a relationship as beautiful and romantic as the flowers she received!

Dolce Far Niente

After watching "Eat Pray Love", I learned this Italian phrase - dolce far niente, meaning "the sweetness of doing nothing". This phrase captures the spirit of Italians in enjoying the passion of life without too much care and this has beenpart of my life which I try to stike a balance.

I am a person who likes to work hard to make my life better. However, I am also the kind of person who cannot work too hard and loses my own direction. I still remember when I went job-hunting earlier this year, the senior managers always ask me what my career inspirations are and how I see my life in the future. I tend to lie a bit by trying to demonstrate how passionate I am towards work and how much I want work to be an important part of my fulfilling life.

What I actually think is that I love my job, but my job is just a small part of my life which provide me with satisfaction in various achievement and sufficient financial resources that let me go for different enjoyment of life, such as traveling and pursuing further studying in areas that are not related to work. I always want a balanced life no matter how difficult it is to maintain. Outside work, I always want to have time for myself and people I love. I need to be able to spend time with all these people and to think through what I have been doing in order to be able to feel the purpose of my life. I want to be a woman who has things that interest her and keeps her mind occupied, as well as being able to put a lot of her attention into her family that she builds with her husband. For me, work and career cannot last forever, but then relationship with people can. When you walk through the path of life, it is love for people that allows you to leave footprints.

I enjoy my "dolce far niente". I regard that as a time when I can think through different parts of life and feel what my heart is telling me to do. The voice of your heart is always so soft that any kind of disturbance can cover up that little voice and lead you to the way where your heart doesn't belong. "Dolce far niente" doesn't have to be a time when I just lie down and do nothing, instead it is the time when I do things simply because I want to do them, but not that I am obliged to do them. It is such sweet moments of life that makes me understand what I really want in life and what has been giving me most pleasure. My mind loosen up when I just let my conscious and structured mind slow down and let creative ideas to flood all over my mind, telling me how much more wonderful my life can be. THe time when you enjoy the pleasure of idleness, you start to notice and appreciate the world and how much people hae worked around you to make you the person you are now.

If you ask me the word that represents me, I woul say "amor", which means "love" in Italian. I hope everyone can take some time off every day or even just every week, to enjoy your "dolce far niente" in your own way. I am sure this will make you find your life more colorful.

The Perfect Proposal

Every girl has a bit of fantasy as to how her man is going to propose to her one day. There are a couple components (sort of like a marking scheme) that girls would generally have in mind. If you get all those right, you would have given the girl her dream proposal. Here are some of my thoughts:

The Ring

Most guys are very aware of this. Though the general principal is that the bigger and of better quality the diamond is, the easier it is to please the girl, but it is also important to know the girl's style and this requires a bit of intelligence. It might not be wise to go to the best friend of the girl, as I think since you can't blame on her friend if she gets it wonr, why not trust yourself.

I personally think platinum and diamond is always a safe choice, since it goes with all skin colour. However, the arrangement of the diamond is the tricky part. My favourite is the one which there are little diamonds on the band next to the major one and the little diamonds should not be held in a way which makes the diamonds look like being in a tunney, they should be held individually next to one another.

One of the other elements which is seldom shown in those romantic proposal scenes in movies is the ring being too loose or too tight. Since my fingers are ridiculously small, sometimes I think maybe I should just marry the guy who proposes with a ring of the right size. Therefore, make sure you either steal your girl's ring for a match in the store, or you know her hand very well.

The Place

A lot of people like taking their girl to the place they first met for a proposal. I won't say this is a bad idea, but it actually all depends on where the two of you met. For example, my boyfriend (BF) and I met at a Chinese New Year dinner, so the venue is a Chinese restaurant. However, I guess I won't really want to go back becasue the place wasn't romantic at all and the food wasn't that good either. I think what girls care about the venue is how romantic the atmosphere is. If the atmosphere is right, even a proposal at home would be very memorable.

One of the most interesting proposal venues I have ever heard of is the cable car. I found it so intersting because the success rate has to be fairly high or at least the guy has to be very confident that the girl will say yes. The thing is that, first of all, you cannot escape in a cable car. As a girl, I find a guy using this strategy quite smart. Even if the girl hesitates in saying yes, the guy can use all sort of ways to convince the girl and tell her much he loves her.

The Time

The major reminder for this section is: never try to make a girl stay with you by proposing. Getting married or engaged is never a way to solve the problem in a relationship. If there is a problem in a relationship, proposing would force the girl to make a decision and would only make her more certain that she doesn't actually want the relationship. When there is a problem exists in a relationship, the only thing that should be done is to try and solve the problem with your partner. Marriage is a promise that can only be made when you genuinely want to make. If you don't, such will only bring you a lot of regrets.

I personally think the right moment to propose is when you think the relationship is healthy enough to take a further step and commit for life. When two people are deeply in love with each other, know that they are taking the same pace in life and ready to build a family together, then it might be time for the guy to propose.

Creatvity:

If you think about it, a proposal is actually a way of saying "I really love you and I am willing to be there for you for the rest of my life". It is a dedication for life and a creative and romantic proposal can definitely make the whole thing more memorable for the girl.

I once heard of a girl telling me the story of the proposal from her man. She was complaining before that the guy was no longer as romantic as when they just started dating. Then 2 weeks later, the guy started being very romantic and leaving little presents all over the apartment to make this girl feel so loved. After a week of such romance, it stopped. The girl thought that the guy has stopped being romantic again, but since he has tried, she was still very happy. 2 days later, the couple was looking at their photo album together, and at the end of the album was a written line "will you marry me?" When the girl looked up, the guy was already on his knees, holding a ring.

Isn't that creative and romantic? Every love story is unique and it always melts girls' heart when guys are willing to use different ways to tell girls how much they want then for the rest of their lives.

At the end, you might say that people get married when they really love each other and it doesn't matter if any of the above factors go wrong. I agree with this totally. I was talking about a perfect proposal, right? And life can never be perfect. Therefore, what I have been saying is what a guy can consider when they want to propose, but if they have enough sincerity, a girl can overlook all of these, because love can make everything perfect.

I wonder how my guy is going to propose one day! =)

To Infinity and Beyond

Is there a relationship that can go infinity and beyond? What does "I can see a future in you" mean? How far in time does "future" mean in that context? Does that imply "to infinity and beyond"?

Recently, my boyfriend (BF) and I are planning my trip to fly over to see him and the question "how far in the future I can see myself being with this guy?" pops up in my head with a very high frequency. I am the kind of girl who always wants to marry the guy I am dating when I enter into a relationship. If I don't think that way, I know I don't love that guy that much and I won't even want to enter in a relationship. It is like an investment of love that I would for someone I can see a future (long term prospect) in. However, I am starting to question myself on why I ask such a question.

I wonder why I need to know how long I can see myself being with a guy if I am seriously in love with him right now and how I come up with the conclusion that I think I can at least stay with him for a year or so.

One of the reasons that I ask these questions so frequently is possibly because we are a long distance couple. By being a long distance couple, BF and I always take very concrete steps to carry our relationship forward. These steps include making travelling plans together, having Skype dates and finding ways to give each other surprises. It is very certain that if we stop doing those things, our relationship can hardly work and we will never see each other again. The effort of ours is so apparent that it makes me think of where all these efforts will go at the very end. Am I calculating? I would defend myself and say no. The reason is that I don't care how much efforts I have put in if I know we will end up bein together. I don't care who puts in more effort and I don't even know who puts in more effort.

However, a question comes up recently as to how much in the future I have to be able to see in order to feel secure and comfortable. I can't think of an answer for his question and I also don't know when I will no longer need that kind of security. Is it when I am married? Or is it when we have spent 10 years together? I cannot tell.

My conclusion is that the "seeing a future" or not is just one of those abstract ways to see if I love the guy enough. Since I can never see the future, it's then all about gut feeling. It's all about a judgement of how much I think the two of us are for each other, how much security I feel from the relationship and how much more effort I am willing to put into the relationship regardless of the uncertainties.

When I Cried Over the Value of an XBOX, I found LOVE!

Today is a stressful day. It is stressful not because of work, but because of the unpredictable increase of air fare.

My boyfriend (BF) and I were planning a trip for me to see him in January and we would be spending time together on my birthday. We have been trying to get holidays at work, thinking through ways to minimize costs and what to do on my birthday. Today is the day to book the ticket and get everything done.

However, as we were clicking into the site with my passport and frequent flyer ID number ready, BF discovered that the price actually goes double because of the direction of the flight. Therefore, if he flies over, the price would drop half. We were shocked by such a difference in pric and we immediately enetered into a conversation about how to plan the trip all over again; whether I should still fly over, or he should fly over, or we should meet another time. We came up with the solution that I should actually fly over for Christmas instead of for my birthdy, because this solution would require us to pay more but give us more time together. BF therefore started a lot of research on discount vouchers as well just to see if we have any luck in saving some money.

After seeing BF working on it for quite a while, I started crying. I didn't even know why I cried, I just knew that I felt bad and wish everything can just go back to what I expected. BF was quite right in guessing that money is a factor for the outburst of my tears, but I would say it is not as direct a correlation as it seems. What I felt bad is more about our long term relationship. I felt like there will be way more bumps on the road we are going to walk together, we might end up spending more money on things normal couples don't have to. I don't know how long BF and I can maintain our very positive spirit among all these problems. I worry that one day either one of us just don't want to be bothered anymore and give it all up. We had such a beautiful relationship and those thoughts make me sad.

Thanks to BF who tried his best to understand me though I had trouble even expressing myself in the middle of all those tears. He told me how much he loves me; he told me that it is not a big sum and I shouldn't worry; he said that the sum of money we have to pay in extra would be the same as the amount he would have to pay for if Microsoft was not willing to fix his XBOX two months ago; he even said that if I feel that the additional amount is givin me extra burden, he is willing to share a larger portion of the cost. Yes, he is a caring boyfriend. He promised me that all of these are not annoyances to him and he feels way more annoyed when he got stuck in the traffic, while I said I wasn't annoyed at all about the traffice as I wasn't the driver. I was originally crying really hard and he made me feel a lot better. I can feel that he loves me; I know he has our future n mind; and I know he cares about our relationship so much that everything would be worth it to him as long as we can stay together.

I love BF and I am lucky to have him! Wish us good luck with this coming trip! =)

How Much Does Friendship Worth?

There are so many different kinds and levels of friendships. I have given a little bit of thoughts on how I feel towards friendship and I am trying to identify some of them on this post.

#1: Super Best Friends

Obviously enough, super best friends are the ones who are the VIPs of your friendship club. Super best friends don't necessarily have to have the same interests, but they somehow get along just perfectly. You may not think the exact same way as your super best friends, but you care about them and you are willing to be there for them when they need your support. Super best friends understand each other's thoughts, never judge and try to give their very honest advice when it's needed. Those are people who you treat as the angels of your life.

#2: Long-time-no-see good friends

I have to say I am not a very nice friend as I have never been investing a lot of time in friendship. I am not very good at catching up and I don't meet up with my friends very often. As a result I have a lot of these "long-time-no-see good friends". Don't get me wrong, I love these friends. They are wonderful people. It is just that I have never put enough effort as to meet them very often.

However, whenever I meet up with these people, I enjoy every single moment of it. I feel like nothing has changed. Yes, some catch has to be done, but it never feels like either of us has stepped out of each other's life for any time.

#3: Mentee-mentor friends

This is a very interesting kind of friendship. I have a couple little girls who were once my private tutoring students, but we are now more like friends. Seeing little girls grow is a rewarding experience, it is like going through my own youth all over again. There were moments when they were rebellious, moments when they need the advice on how to feel comfortable in their own shell and how to build up life that they want.

One of them actually said I am more like her sister, and I feel the same way too. We hang out, have nice dinners together, while at the same time, I would give them advice on school or life. It is enjoyable as well as fulfilling because I know I can help her in some ways. At the same time, they all remind me that I should try my best to live an upright life, as I have somehow become the role model of theirs.

#4: Post-love friends

There are always ex-boyfriends or admirers that you once have feelings on but you know things just won't work out between the two of you. THis is what I think post-love friends would come into play. Some people go against the idea of it because they can't face the fact that the romantic feelings are over and they worry about the triggering of more negative feelings.

I worry about that too, but I always find it a pity when I had such good feeling on a person before and now we can't even be friends. It is fate that puts people together and I wish I can treasure that enough. If both of the parties agree that it will only be pure friends without any lingering romantic feelings, then I think it is the way to go. However, if one of the parties is suffering from the residual romantic feelings, I think the smarter way is to let go.

#5: Group acquaintance

At work or in school, people form groups and somehow get to know the people within the group who are more like the friends of your friends. One of my experiences is that I don't really like one of the people in the group and I treat her more like an acquaintance than anything. However, since we are in the same group, we respect each other's existence, treat each other as obligatory friends and celebrate our birthday together.

As time goes on, the whole thing did not go well, I started getting a lot of malicious criticism from her and we ended up avoiding each other in later gatherings. From then on, I have been careful about group acquaintance. I prefer one-on-one friendship, because if we get along well, then we remain as friends; if we don't, then it's the end of everything.

#6: Fake Friends

This is a weird category to be put in a blog, but I have to admit that this does exist in life. I am not living in a fairy tale world, and there are times when I just need to be a friend of someone to maintain the harmony or to be a better player in the office politically ... However, these people are usually more like acquaintance. I like these people, but things haven't gone that far as I can open up as much as to a real friend.

For me friends are people I am willing to do a lot for and they are people I care a lot. When I am with my friends, I never have to worry about them getting mad at me, because we are friends and we forgive each other of unintentional offends. Friends never try to please one another, as we are already very pleased by being able to spnd time with each other.

Have you found your "real friends"? If you do, treasure them!

Born to be Pretty

When I was a teenager, I had pimples all over my face while I was supposed to be building my self-image and confidence. I had some issues in confidence until I got into university and had some makeover. I started to wear contact lens, had some facial treatment to get rid of those pimples and had a better style through picking the right clothes. However, my skin was ruined by the intensive pimple outbreak. Even after the crisis, I don't have the nice skin most young ladies have. Therefore, it is one of my dreams that I would have really fair sin one day in my life as I can see how big a difference it can make to the overall appearance. It would be such a mircle if I can get the shiny, tender and flawless skin that you always see on magazines.

You might criticize me by saying that I am too concerned about my appearance, or comfort me by saying it doesn't really matter how good I look as long as I look reasonably nice. I have to sy this is who I am and I do care about how I look.

Recently, I read a Facebook note listing out things that young ladies should think about, so that they fully utilized their youth. One of the hints is that girls should have more skin care products than cosmetics. This is a fantastic reminder. I have to admit that I am a bit lazy when it comes to skin care. It always takes up so much time in order to see the effect and it costs way more than cosmetics. I usually use cosmetics as more like a once and for all kind of solution for personal grooming.

However, it has recently come to my attention that this is just not the rigt way. The important point is that skin quality is the foundation of every single bit of cosmetics you put on your face before you step out of your apartment door. It is like the long-term investment that you will be benefited from once time goes by. If you work on skincare, a lot of the makeup steps cn be skipped or that the effect will always be twice as good. I guess it's time for me to work a little harder in building a stronger foundation for my skin by living healthy and investing more on skincare products.

Wouldn't it be lovely if I was born to be pretty and neverhave worries about maintaining my appearance? I am seriously looking forward to the era of robot body! Anyways, before the invention of robot body, I will invest more time and care on my skin care for now.

Should People Iron Their Shirts?

Yesterday, I got into an argument or a heated debate on the phone with a male friend who is a salesman for ads on buses. We were talking about his work life and somehow touch on his clothes. As he has to meet clients all the time, of course the dress code would be a suit. So I asked, "You need a lot of time to iron your shirt then?" and he said no, and that's how the argument started.

His argument is that there is no necessity to iron a shirt. He usually washes his shirts, hangs them up under the sun and let it dry. He also mentioned that the shirt has creases very soon anyways after he leaves home. He insists that it looks reasonably nice. He said he has met so many people who won't iron their shirt when they go to work and that no clients have ever complain about his clothes. He stressed on the fact that he thinks all that matters between a salesman and a client is communication. If he has managed presentation and catching up with clients well enough, the client would place their orders no matter what. However, he ironed his shirts when he goes to interviews and he thinks that is a totally different occasion compared to a client meeting.

My argument is that it is a matter of respect. It is a respect to yourself, your profession and your client. Since this is the dress code expected by the industry and the profession, when you are a member of it, you have to respect it. If you decide that you are going to wear a suit, you have to iron it. If you wear a suit the way you wear your casual wear, then why do you wear your suit? Go back to jeans and t-shirt. Ironing your shirt is kind of a way to tell people that you take good care of yourself. If you are not even willing to take care of yourself, how can people trust you that you will take care of their business? Customers of course won't tell you that they have problems with your shirts, they may not even notice the exact reason why they find you not as trust-worthy as they would love to. It is matter of implication and non-verbal implication that you send to the world.

I understand it is my friend's choice on whether he should iron his shirt or not. However, I would wish that he can change his habit, because I think it would have good impact on not just his job, but also his view on his job and his life at the end. Most of the times, little things change a person's attitude to life and have a long term impact.

What would be your verdict on this?

The End of the World

I always wonder how it would be like when the world finally ends. Most of the times, my conclusion is that I probably would have died when this occurs. However, after conversatons with friends and some thinking on my own, I think I do have a plan of what to do if I know the world is ending.

The only thing I would want to do is to stay with my loved ones, find a nice place, enjoy ourselves then die. If the world is not too chaotic, I wish I can use all the money I have to take my family to a place which looks like heaven on earth and spend the rest of our time there. If the world is too chaotic for that, I might just check into a local resort with my family, have nice meals, play around the resort and hold my loved ones when I die.

People I love are very important to me. I have once participated in a test on how I actually prioritize things. I was given 50 cards with different things I can have in my life, such as wealth, intelligence, friends and many others. The facilitators started to collect our cards one at a time. Throughout the process, they said different things to lead us to the minset of "once I have given up one thing, I can never get it back". I still remember at the last round I have two things left - health and family. At the very last round, I cried and gave up the health card.

People always talk about core value. I am glad I have found mine. I love my family, they may not be the best people on earth, but I know no matter what they do, they love me.

Try to find your core value, then you will know the purpose and centre of your life.

Pay Off My Debt

What is the debt with undefined and very high interest rate? -- SLEEP DEBT!

I have seen friends starting their full time job and seem to have disappeared from the world all of a sudden. I don't know where they are until they just reappear somehow. I was not able to understand what was going on in their lives. I thought it might be that their company is being too demanding, or they are just not very good at their work so that they have to work overtime.



However, after I started my first full time job on a week or so ago, I recognize how different work life is compare to school life. Since the first day of work, I wake up at 06:00 every morning so that I can get to work a bit earlier before everyone else does and arrange my day without any distraction. Some of the times, I woke up early because I want to have a skype date with my boyfriend (BF) as that is the only time when our time zone matches. It is usually 18:30 when I get off work and get home one hour later. Whenever I get home, put down my briefcase and sit on the couch, I can feel that the energy source in need of recharging!



The interesting thing is that since it was the orientation period, though I have been kept busy all day, I haven't been given a lot of work. I guess it is the fact that I am not used to a work environment which you have to be alert at all times that make me feel my days as so tiring. It is never like school life in which you can sleep through classes and get distracted at times if you so incline. People around me are very friendly and nice, it is the kind of working environment that you can ask for nothing more. However, I need time to get comfortable around the place, so ti won't be as much self-created stress as it used to be.



Anyway, I have been sleeping most of the time on Saturday just to get the stress out of m. I wish I can get a back rub now! (Honey, I miss your very good oil message!)



Have you finished paying off your debt?

All Things Bright and Beautiful

From String of Precious Jewels,

I'll tell you briefly the fine qualities

Of those on the path of compassion:

Giving, and ethics, patience, and effort,

Concentration, wisdom, compassion and sch.

Giving is giving away what you have,

And ethics is doing good to others.

Patience is giving up feelings of anger,

And effort is joy that increases all good.

Concentration's one-pointed, free of bad thoughts,

And wisdom decides what truth really is.

Compassion's a kind of high intelligence

Mixed deep with a love for all living kind.

Giving brings wealth, a good world comes from ethics;

Patience brings beauty, eminence comes from effort.

Concentration brings peace, and from wisdome comes freedom;

Compassion achieves everything we all wish for.

A person who takes all seven of these

and perfect them together will reach

That place of inconceivable knowledge,

No less than the world's protector.

I always think that I shouldn't quote somebody's work extensively in my own blog, as my blog should purely be my own thoughts and productions. However, when I read this quote from the book The Diamond Cutter, it struck me as something that I should remember my whole life and that I should share with everyone.

This quote reminds me how much is yet to be done by me in order to be someone good. If I am a Catholic, I can imagine myself confessin about my little sins all day long. There were times when I get annoyed and show my dissatisfaction to those who intended to give me good advice. There were times I am jealous though my lover has been showing me how much he loves me and has been loyal. There are times I was being selfish and see my things as more important than others, or simply just rank them accordingly without serious thoughts. There are just countless of these that I am not happy with after the moment of recognition. I know a person can never be perfect, but I still want to be better to people around me because they deserve my love.

I wish by sharing this, it would leave a better imprint in my mind and leads me to be a better person. I would love to build my own perfect world by being one of the sources of goodness.